


Spark

by orphan_account



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Death by Drowning, For Want of a Twin, Gen, Meta, Parody, Reincarnation, Self-Insert, crack!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-15
Updated: 2014-07-15
Packaged: 2018-02-09 00:24:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1961934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a world of chaos, order is relative. So what difference does it make if Hanabi was Hinata's twin, instead of her younger sister? Even a single spark can start a fire. [Cracked!Self-Insert]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spark

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I claim nothing except the plot bunny that wouldn't leave me alone.
> 
> WARNING: This is a Cracked Self-Insertfic. Please read at your own discretion. For better examples, check out Dreaming of Sunshine by Silver Queen, Pulling the Strings by Hubris-Plus, For Whom the Bell Tolls by cywscross, and others. I'm just doing this for kicks.

Death isn't a popular topic, so I won't bore you with the details of mine. It only takes two words.

I drowned.

I'm not sure how it happened, or when; all I know is that I've always been a bad swimmer, so if you dumped me into a body of water deeper than five foot five, I was very, very screwed. You can only dog paddle for so long before your strength gives out.

More interesting was the process of drowning. You'd never think water could  _burn_ so much when it got into your lungs. And then you have to wonder where your arms and legs are getting all that energy to kick and flail, when there's no oxygen fueling the muscles…

…sorry, I said I'd skip the details, huh?

So I drowned. And logically, around the same time, I died. But after that, my soul must have jumped ship or something, because I could feel myself kicking again. And I was meeting  _resistance_ against these walls, and a force was pushing me out against my will…and after an eternity, cold, blessed, endless  _air_ was surrounding me on all sides so I could finally open my mouth—

—and  _breathe._ Or wail, as the fact turned out.

It's really not fun being able to remember your own birth. Makes me claustrophobic every time I think of it. Ahem. Anyways! Moving on now.

-ooo-

My first clear,conscious memory came when I was still a baby. Don't ask me how many months—I don't know and it doesn't really matter. I do recall thinking that someone had rescued me from the water. Except…things were wrong, somehow. The world was muted and out of focus, and my limbs were slow and sluggish. Just trying to turn over felt like moving a mountain.

Then I heard babbling noises, and craned my neck to see a baby cooing by my side. It would have been cute if she hadn't looked so ridiculously big. And then my eyes focused on her face, and she looked at me, and I  _freaked_ out.

Because she didn't have any pupils! Her eyes were completely blank—a soft, snow white, like the eyes of the blind. And they were  _huge,_ taking up nearly half of her face!

I tried to talk, but nothing but gurgling issued from my mouth. I panicked and tried shouting—that just turned into some sort of high-pitched wail. I wondered whether I was drugged and hallucinating. Whatever the case, I set off the other baby, and we were both crying at the top of our lungs before we knew it. If I thought that was bad enough, it was  _nothing_ compared to the sensation of someone picking me up.

Honestly, I'm a full-grown adult. For anyone to just…grab me around the torso like that, and use a hand to cushion my head, she'd have to be a giant. She sure looked like one when she rocked me in her arms and mumbled nonsense in a soft voice. And she had white eyes too. Freaky.

In hindsight, it was stupid of me not to realize that the world hadn't magically grown overnight—but that I had shrunk to the size of a baby. Scratch that—I had  _become_ a baby. I like to think that I had some common sense, but this…logic didn't cover this. Not a bit.

I cried a lot, those first few days. Mostly from frustration. Then I decided to buck up and take things like a man. A female man, I mean—oh,  _you_ know what I'm saying here. Next, I tried figuring out where I was and what I was doing there. At first I thought I'd been reincarnated in some part of Asia where the population had a recessive albino gene that only showed up in their eyes.

Except…true albinos had red eyes, and not  _everyone_ were black-haired, white-eyed weirdoes. The few times my mother or designated babysitter (hey, it was a rich family) took me to the outside world I saw plenty of exceptions. Hair shades the colors of the rainbow, eyes to match, and everyone speaking a variant of something that sounded like Japanese.

It didn't take long for me to recognize this as the Narutoverse. The people wearing headbands running along the roofs helped. The Uchihas patrolling the streets with big clan logos pasted on their backs helped, too. Of course, learning that my name was Hanabi, and that I had a fraternal twin named Hinata was probably the biggest giveaway.

(I tried looking for the Hokage Monument, I really did. But there were too many trees in the way, even when I was being carried. I think we lived at the other end of town or something.)

But the revelation was pure awesome. Aside from the foreknowledge of impending death and doom lurking beyond the next two decades. Yeah, that part kind of sucked, but you take what you can get, right? Being an  _ojou-sama(1)_ of one of Konoha's prominent ninja clans wasn't such a bad deal. Especially one known for its members' soft, silky hair…

( _Shush._ I know I'm shallow. I'm deep enough to not let it bother me.)

-ooo-

In my spare time, I tried molding my chakra constantly, wondering if it'd be "itchy", "fuzzy" or any of those adjectives I'd read in Naruto self-insert fics. Wondering if I could pick out the extra, foreign,  _strangeness_ that was chakra in my old world, with the senses in this new one. Cackling at the thought of spending my baby years hiding my awesome chakra skills from the adults in the family.

Problem was, this was a different universe, and a different body. Practically everything living in the Narutoverse had chakra. I was bathed in it, both inside and out, and my Hyuuga body had been tuned for generations to accept it as part of the packaging. If I wanted to use my chakra, I was gonna have to dig for it like everyone else.

Well,  _dang._

Luckily, I'd been born into a clan with X-ray vision. I had the natural ability to see chakra with my own eyes. (Ha! Take that, Fate!) Except…turning on the Byakugan meant using chakra. Chakra I couldn't mold, at least not yet, much less feel.

Well…double  _dang._

There went my fantasy of upstarting Neji the prodigy. Stupid prepackaged body.

-ooo-

"And what does Hanabi-chan want for her birthday?"

' _The power to shoot laser beams. Or summon fire-breathing dragons. Or even talking properly would be nice,'_ I thought mournfully, pursing my mouth in a patented Cute Baby Pout. I had rolled over, crawled, walked and ran earlier than my sister. Talking, on the other hand…

My mind was too used to thinking and speaking in English, and suddenly switching to this Japanese variant had been surprisingly difficult. So while Hinata and Neji were babbling away in a fluid stream of baby talk or actual sentences, I was stuck stumbling over simple vowels and cringing inwardly every time I opened my mouth.

But this was important! My mother had asked me what I wanted! And it was for the Third Birthday—AKA Hinata-Will-Get-Kidnapped-By-Cloud-Ninja-Day. Like I was just going to sit back and watch it happen without doing anything! And I already had a plan—sort of—to save her.

" _Coo…"_

Uh, okay, that didn't come out right.

"What's that? Speak up for mommy and daddy!" my mother held me up and gently tickled my tummy with her nose while I stifled back rising giggles.

' _Arrgh! Not the time, Mom Lady!'_ I furrowed my brows in determination and met her adoring gaze.

"Coo…mai…"

Noting my serious look, she set me down in her lap. "Yes, Hanabi-chan?" Good, I'd gotten her attention enough to try again.

"…c-oo…coo-mai. Coo-nai!" I finished triumphantly.

The hands playing with my hair stilled. "What did you say?"

"Burf-dai," I insisted, tugging on her shirt. "I. Want. Cuu-nai."

' _I want a kunai.'_

Kunais were pointy. And stabby. Good for close combat, in a fix. I was going to get one to defend my—us—ourselves! My mother blinked a couple of times, before turning to her husband with a dazzling smile.

"Did you hear that,  _danna(2)?_ " she cried. "Our little Hanabi just said her first sentence!"

' _That's not the point, Mom Lady! Forward Dad Guy my message so I can get a weapon!"_

-ooo-

Skip to the night of the birthday. Think fancy, itchy kimonos, pretty combs in your hair, getting passed between laps of white-eyed Hyuugas related to me in one way or another.

There were the regular characters, of course—pre-Cursed Seal Neji(3), sitting next to Uncle Hizashi at the main table and looking so cutely  _proud_ of himself; Hinata, her little fist gripping Mom Lady's collar and feeling too shy to pay attention to anyone else; myself, who ended up sitting in Dad Guy's lap for the main event of the evening: dinner, putting his yukata in mortal danger every time I tried to spoon my soup. I could probably name you half a dozen more off the top of my head, but they're not pertinent so I'll spare you the details.

Anyways, after dinner, we got to open our presents. There were so many it was like Christmas come early—or late, in this case, since it was December 27th. I skipped through most of them: dolls, books, clothes, food—and zoomed in on one little box with my name on it. Picking it up, I shook it slightly. There was a slight rattle inside. It felt heavy. It looked about the right size. I hesitated for one, long, agonizing moment before carefully unwrapping and opening the box.

And I sucked in a breath.

There it was, lying on a soft bed of white silk, polished to a high shine, not a  _bit_ like those stupid rubber things the nannies gave us for teething.

A real kunai.

' _Thank you, psychotic ninja parents who give weapons to small children!'_ I crowed mentally, hugging the box to my chest. I didn't think my asking would actually work—and I was more than ready to just nab a random Branch member's hairpin, if things got desperate. My eyes cast about until they found the observant, expectant gaze of Dad Guy, and I toddled over, box still in my arms, until I was standing before him.

"What is it, Hanabi?" Hiashi asked from above me.

I placed the box at his feet before lowering into a bow befitting the Hyuuga Head. "Father. Sankyuu. I will treashur dis giff an' use't well."

Oh,  _cringe._ I had practiced that sentence for days and it still sounded retarded. From my height, I couldn't see my father's face, but I registered the meaningful pause before he spoke again.

"See that you do."

Well, at least he understood. I smiled and skipped away with my prize before Mom Lady noticed our little scene. I had a feeling she wouldn't take kindly to her daughter having a real, live weapon in her hands—she coddled me even more than my timid sister, just because I sounded like an infant when I spoke. Unfair.

-ooo-

"Good night, Hanabi-sama," the Branch member Hyuuga bowed as she left the room.

The party was still going on with the adults in one wing of the Hyuuga Compound, but its stars—namely Hinata and me—had a curfew. We were carried back to our room and put to bed before everyone else. My sister was already starting to doze off, but I forced myself to stay awake.

I'd managed to sneak my kunai back with me in its original box—wrapping it in its silk cloth and burying it under a layer of confetti, candy, and a random doll. Once I heard the footsteps of the caretaker fade away, I crawled out from my futon, grabbed my weapon, and snuck back under the sheets, holding it to my chest. The steel felt cool and heavy against my skin through the thin layers of my sleeping robe. It was a reassuring weight for whatever lay ahead that night.

Assuming things were still proceeding as canon dictated. I'd picked up conversations about the Cloud-Leaf Treaty, so thatwas on schedule, but would the same ninja attempt the same kidnapping attempt on the same night as the anime? I stifled a hysterical giggle at that. Oh  _Kami,_ I was trying to plan my life by the episodes of a Japanese cartoon. This was insane. Beyond insane—but hey, technically speaking, I was already dead in one world. Trying to stay alive in this one made sense, right?

In any case, I didn't feel like thinking too hard. Part of me was sure that trying to reason out such things woulddrive me crazy. As the darkness grew, I used my senses to feel, once again, for the source of my chakra. After my previous failures, I'd stop trying to mold chakra in my hands and tried directing them to my eyes instead. Byakugan was the inborn ability granted to all Hyuuga—by genetics alone, it should come naturally.

In the weeks leading up to my third birthday, I'd practiced without fail every night, grasping at wisps of power just beyond my understanding. I'd made shaky process, but in the past few days I'd managed to get glimpses of a world in black-and-white for at least a few seconds. And for tonight, that was all I needed.

' _Byakugan!'_ I blinked, and the dark room slowly focused into a negative image of itself. On my right was the sliding door leading to the hallway—and on my left, Hinata's sleeping form and another door leading to the gardens. Most likely entry point for kidnapper. Furniture wise, the room was bare—it was purely designed for sleeping. Any drawers we had for storing clothing was hidden behind a closet designed to look like a tatami wall behind me. In front was another wall decorated with two painted scrolls and a table holding a vase of orchids. Tasteful, but minimal, and rather useless as far as weapons went.

Exhaling softly, I released the jutsu and was plunged once more into darkness. Everything was in place. Now it was time to set up my plan.

-ooo-

Real ninja leave no footsteps. This one was no exception. Heck, I couldn't even hear him  _breathe…_ or maybe it was because my heart was pounding so hard.

' _So he came after all.'_

I'd throw an extra shirt over my head—a sleeping habit from my old life—that would serve to hide my eyes. I'd strewn dozens of candy wrappers in the way of the garden door so I'd hear if it started to slide open. The crinkling noises woke me up just in time from a half-asleep stupor. After mentally counting to five to steady my breathing, I activated my Byakugan.

And almost screamed at the sight of a bandaged, bearded face hovering inches away from mine.

' _OhcrapohcrapohCRAP—'_

My blood ran cold, and my fingers reflexively tightened on the kunai hidden in the folds of the bedcovers at my side, but sheer force of will stopped me from jumping up and running away. I was sure I was doomed.

' _This was a STUPID idea! Stupid, stupid, STUPID—'_

Wait. He hadn't actually done anything yet.

He wasn't even looking at me.

No, the Cloud ninja was staring intently at my  _sister_ , still sleeping soundly by my side. Then he took out a sackcloth bag, and my vision darkened as the hold on my chakra slipped again.

' _Not yet!'_ I thought savagely, and spent precious seconds calling back my night-vision. When I could see again, the Cloud nin was, quite calmly,  _stuffing my sleeping sister into a sack_. My heart plummeted into my chest.

' _Of course, he only needs one of us—logically, it makes more sense. Faster to escape, less fuss involved…'_

Then I heard a squeak from inside the bag, followed by a low whimper. The Cloud nin had his back to me, crouched low on the ground. He was tying up his knot, fumbling a bit in the darkness, as he prepared to leave with his stolen goods—and this was where I, so-named Hyuuga Hanabi, did simultaneously the most brilliant and stupidest thing yet in my ninja career.

It was dark. He couldn't see well, I had perfect vision. His attention and hands were occupied; mine were peeled for an opening. For Kami's sake, the man only had  _one_ functioning eye.

I jumped him with my kunai and  _stabbed._ My hands were knocked aside as soon as I hit something soft, but I resumed my efforts with an almost desperate energy, the other arm wrapped firmly around his neck. I caught a glance of something—an ear, nicked with blood—before the ninja grabbed me by the back and flung me to the ground. The landing knocked the wind out of me and cancelled my Byakugan, plunging me into darkness again. The kunai flew out of my grip and fell somewhere in the darkness, useless.

' _Oookay,_ **really** _should have thought that through—'_

Yeah, as if a three-year-old could really defeat a Jounin. My delusions of grandeur were something else, I tell ya. I heard the shifting of cloth as the ninja grabbed his bag and prepared to make his escape.

No.  _No. 'That bag has my sister in it, you_ **jerk!** '

Gritting my teeth, I reactivated my Byakugan and barely rolled out of the way just as the Cloud ninja ran past me. I scrabbled wildly for purchase and grabbed onto something—a shoe strap, I think—just as he activated  _shunshin_ and escaped into the garden.

And kicked me into a tree with a sickening  _crunch_. Great. Just great. My pain sensors went haywire as my body screamed at me. And then went haywire again as the Cloud nin picked me up by the collar and held me to his sneering face. Oh good, looks like I finally got his attention.

' _I think I must have been a masochist in my past life,'_ I mused while staring sullenly at his face.  _'Now then, is he going to kill me or try to take me with him? Either way, he only has about three seconds before Dad Guy beats him up.'_

Contrary to how things appeared, I was not insane. Merely…curious, to test out the capabilities of this new body and its capacities for pain, fear, and injury. And the so-called Hyuuga Affair was an ideal starting point, because this Cloud nin had  _nothing_ on Hiashi in canon. Approximately four-point-five seconds later, Dad Guy arrived on the scene, killed the Cloud nin with one hit, and rescued his daughters-in-distress.

' _I guess this means Neji's dad has to die again…dang it.'_

"Are you all right, Hanabi?" Dad Guy was, for lack of a better word, cradling me in his arms. Voices filled the air as other Hyuugas reached the garden.

I looked at him, blinking as blood trailed into my eyes.  _'Hmm. Could've gone better, but at least I'm alive. Need to work on toughening up my body.'_

It was too painful to talk, so I settled for giving him a bloody smile. Only to black out from more pain, right as I heard Mom Lady's cry of horror at seeing me.

' _Ah. Good thing I'll be missing her hysterics…'_

-ooo-

"—it's not normal! No child should—"

"—is a  _shinobi,_ she—expected to perform—"

"— _only_ three—even during the war—"

"Duty—and the clan elders—a suitable candidate—"

"I  _refuse._ I absolutely  _refuse_ to even  _consider_ —"

I was lying in a hospital bed, staring at the ceiling while listening to my parents' hushed conversation outside the door of my room. Bandages covered my chest, my head, and a few fingers here or there. It hurt to move. To think, even.

So I closed my eyes and drifted off as the voices continued to argue.

-ooo-

When I woke up again, I was back in my room in the Hyuuga Compound with my parents by my side.

No, wait. That wasn't Dad Guy. It was…

"…'ncle 'izashi?" I croaked out.

Did I wake up earlier than I thought? Had the Cloud not demanded Hiashi's body yet? My mother gave something of a strangled cry as she grasped my hands, muttering my name over and over again. I felt a wave of warmth wash over me towards this woman, who had looked after me for all of these three years.

She wasn't the mother I remembered, but…she was a mother. A mother who loved me as her daughter. My uncle placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, before turning to look for something. And that's when I saw it.

He was missing an arm.

I stared at the empty sleeve on his right side as Hizashi motioned Neji to the side of the bed. Neji who had a bandage around his own head, still recovering from the effects of a newly planted Cursed Seal.

"Hanabi-sama," Uncle Hizashi said in an oddly serious tone. "It is good to see you awake again."

-ooo-

**Author's Note:**

> (1) 'ojou-sama' – Young lady of a wealthy/noble household.
> 
> (2) 'danna' – Japanese for "husband".
> 
> (3) 'pre-Cursed Seal Neji' – Right, a little confusing here. Here's my timeline of events:
> 
> a)Hinata turns 3 on day of Cloud-Leaf Treaty
> 
> b)Cloud nin tries to kidnap her that night and fails, getting killed by Hiashi
> 
> c)News of Cloud nin's death travel with his body back to Cloud
> 
> d)Days after the Hyuuga Incident, Neji gets Cursed Seal because the heiress is 3 years old
> 
> e)Hizashi gets angry because his son is talented, and accidentally releases anger in front of Hinata
> 
> f)Hiashi activates Hizashi's Cursed Seal in front of Neji, saying he will not tolerate such behavior
> 
> g)Cloud messenger arrives to demand Hiashi's body because his kill violated the peace treaty
> 
> h)Hizashi decides to take his brother's place and dies
> 
> i)Neji gets left out of the info loop and grows up being Fate-obsessed for the next 9 years
> 
> The Cloud nin signed the Konoha-Cloud treaty on Hinata's 3rd birthday and tried to kidnap her (and was killed) that same night. Neji received his Cursed Seal when Hinata turned three, but Hizashi expressed anger (before his death) towards Hinata after Neji received the Seal. So…I'm thinking in the interim between the Cloud nin's death and news of it reaching Cloud, Neji got Sealed and Hizashi got mad. Then Cloud returns with a message demanding Hiashi's death, and Hizashi willingly took his place. Makes sense?
> 
> A/N: Yo. For those of you who don't know, I'm an authoress without an update schedule. I write slow, and I update about once a year, because I have Real Life Responsibilities that are more important. So if you hate that kind of stuff…run. Run far, far away, and forget about my existence. I will only cause you pain. For everyone else, welcome and enjoy your stay! Take long naps in the meantime. :P
> 
> The title of this fic, Spark, was inspired by Hanabi's name, which translates to fireworks. The canon Hanabi will not be making an appearance in this fic, even under a different name. And there will be one other big difference as well.
> 
> As you can see, this is not a serious story. It's more of an experiment/stress-relief/meta kinda thing. The Fake-nabi, as I call her, is a bit…strange. She sees her new life in the Narutoverse as one big joke, and decides to treat it as a test of her limits. I guess you can call her a flippant, fearless, off-kilter masochist? Hmm.


End file.
